Tuesday, Jan. 22, 2002 -- 1:52 a.m.

Back to the fellowship meeting.

By the way, for those of you who don’t already know, I have updated my pictures.

So I went to this fellowship meeting for the first time. Well I went last week but that was for pot luck, not to talk about god.

We sang praise songs first and then we started talking about “the 4 laws of spirituality” or something like that. They weren’t really laws… they were more like statements. For example “God loves you”. Is that a law? Does that statement tell us how to behave? Aren’t laws merely rules with consequences? So how is “God loves you” a rule? How does it govern our behavior? I really don’t remember the rest.. Oh yeah, there was something like “Humans are sinful and therefore are not worthy to be with god”. I don’t get that one. If god’s so great than why did he make us sinful? Did he just make us so that he can feel better about himself?

Then this girl Emily asked “What happens to a good person who doesn’t believe in Jesus? A good person who treats others kindly and is genuinely nice, what happens to them?”

Everyone started saying to Emily “well that’s a very complicated question”. This one girl said “well if they don’t believe in god then they must be helping people for themselves and therefore they are helping for selfish reasons and therefore they are sinning by helping”. I interjected with a “It actually isn’t a difficult question. According to the bible, anyone who doesn’t believe that jesus is the son of god who was sent to earth to die to save us from our sins, will GO TO HELL. It may not seem fair but that’s what it says in the bible.” Please keep in mind that I am not Christian but these people do not know this. I have been going to church all my life because if I did not, my parents would kill me (how Christian of them!).

Basically, they agreed with me although they still added “but it is a complicated question”.

One girl said “What do we have to lose by believing in god? If we believe and it isn’t true, what have we lost?”. I said that that was a ridiculuous reason for believing in god because that can be said of ANY religion.

The person who’s house we were at got defensive and said that this “just in case” scenario was the reason she believed in god.

Most of the others agreed with me that it was a pretty weak reason for picking Christianity although the girl did add that this “just in case” was the reason she came to Christianity, not the reason why she stayed. I guess she has a better reason for why she stayed with Christianity… perhaps the reason is that she made a lot of friends at church???? I think many people go to church for this reason…. If it works for them, so be it.

Maybe if I hadn’t been forced to go to church since childhood I wouldn’t hate it so goddammuch now that I’m older and I’m used to logical and reasoned thinking (erm… kind of).

At the end, we separated in to pairs and were supposed to pray for one another. The person’s who’s apartment we were at asked me to be her partner. I said that I didn’t want to pray and she asked if she could pray for me, so I let her. I didn’t bow my head or close my eyes, I just sat there until it was done.

After, Yoona and I rented “little monsters” from Jumbo (fuk, we now have five movies out from there, none of them are late however,) and we bought a large pepperoni pizza. I put it into a plastic bag so I wouldn’t have to sneak a huge pizza box into the house. A bag of pizza in my backpack is easier to hide than a pizza box that doesn’t fit in my backpack.

Oh yeah, after the first sex that Craig and I had tonight, we started talking about drooling and we pretended to be drooling and looking around to see if anyone had saw us sucking in our drool. It was hilarious at the time but now that I’m writing it down I realize that it’s one of those things where you just have to be there.

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