2002-01-09 -- 2:15 a.m.

I don't have class until 4pm tomorrow and I'm not tired so I'm going to write in here and stop trying to force myself to sleep.

Craig called me tonight. He said he won't be back until at least 7pm and that he'll probably want to sleep when he gets back. blah. That means no sex for a while because I'm getting my period on thursday and it lasts until sunday. I just want to get in as much sex as possible until he leaves on feb 9 for his trip to BC.

He's going to BC for this telemark skiing thing where they sleep in tents and ski around. telemark skiing is when the skis are used for both cross country and downhill skiing. Craig said that it's even possible to ski UPHILL with telemark skis. He's really into that kind of stuff. Outdoorsy, athletictype stuff, totally the opposite of me. He even hunts. He feels that when he goes hunting he is with nature...

Craig is white, I'm korean, we get looks when we walk down the street holding hands.

I'm kind of into that. I guess it's the being different that I like. It's not something thats seen alot in my town, even though it is becoming more and more common.

But race is not the reason I'm dating Craig. I'm dating him because he's so smart and funny and cute and fit and everything I would want in a guy. All the other guys I've dated have been Korean and I haven't liked them HALF as much as I like Craig. We just get along so well and we also have fantastic sex which is a bonus.

I'm pretty sure he isn't dating me because I'm asian. His ex-wife is white, not that this proves anything but I don't think he's ever dated an asian girl before. I can tell he likes me, even though I can be a bitch sometimes if I don't get my way. He's very affectionate and he says what he means and means what he says.

I remember, one time when on our way home from a concert we stopped at a gas station, one with a convenience store, for some gas and snack foods. I went into the store to get us stuff while Craig pumped gas and when he came into pay for the gas I was at the back of the store and asked him what drink he wanted.

When we got back into the car, he told me that the middle eastern cashier had asked him "is she with you?after I had asked him what drink he wanted. When he said yes I was with him, the cashier asked "so you like Asian women eh?"

And Craig answered "well I like her".

I'm glad he didn't say some neadrathal quip like "yeah i do, huh huh". But that wouldn't be like him.

We haven't said I love you to each other and I don't know if we ever will. I don't even know how I would respond if he said it to me. I know I love him but to say it is scary for me. It's just words anyway. I tell him "I like you alot" pretty often though, isn't that basically the same? And if he did say it to me, then I would start stressing about if he's saying it to me often enough and if he's saying it to me everytime I see him, etc etc etc. this way I'm without that stress.

The bad thing about him being white is that he can't really communicate with my parents or my grandmother who sometimes lives with us. My parents speak English very wel however, Korean is their first language and they are most comfortable speaking that. My grandmother has been in Canada for over twenty years now and she still can barely speak English. She's a very active lady and she rides the bus often but I'm not quite sure how she survives here.

I know that when she runs out of something she'll just take the finished package and take it to the cashier, point to it and say something like "need" and then the cashier will find a new one and my grandmother will pay for it.

I don't ask me how she knows what buses to take because it's a mystery to me!

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